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11: -
Category:
Kids
A kid gives a report on who his hero is and what you have learned from them . My hero is my Aunt Vicky and here's her story. Vicky was in ww2 her plane was shot down and all she could get out of the plane was a knife,machine gun,and a bottle of jack daniel's. She chugged the bottle the killed 20 japs with the gun 50 with the knife and 100 with her bare hands. What is the point of this report? Don't mess with aunt vicky when she's drinking.
12: -
Category:
Sms
What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?
A cereal killer...
13: -
Category:
Christian
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."
14: -
Category:
Saddam
Why did Saddam kills all his wives?
Because he looked underneath their skirts and all he could see was bushes.
15: -
Category:
Online
I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land. (Jon Stewart)
16: -
Category:
Little Johnny
One day at the end of class little Johnny's teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story to be concluded with the moral of that story.
The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story. Little Suzy raises her hand.
"My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road." When the teacher asked for the moral of the story, Suzy replied. "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket."
Little Lucy went next. "My dad owns a farm too. Every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Las weekend only 8 of the 12 eggs hatched." Again, the teacher asked for the moral of the story. Lucy replied, "Don't count your chickens before they hatch."
Next up was little Johnny. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war, and his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed but could only take a case of beer, a machine gun, and a machete. On the way down he drank the case of beer. Then he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but then he ran out of bullets! So he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. Then the blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his barehands."
The teacher looked a little shocked. After clearing her throat, she asked what possible moral there could be to this story.
"Well," Johnny replied, "Don't fuck with uncle Ted when he's been drinking."
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