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1:  - Category:     People Professions
A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer's club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money.

The gang was very happy to escape. "It ain't so bad," one crook noted. "We got $25 between us."

The boss screamed: "I warned you to stay clear of lawyers... we had $100 when we broke in!"

2:  - Category:     People Professions
Whats the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?

A bad golfer goes: WHACK..."Damn"! A bad Skydiver goes: "Damn"!...WHACK.

3:  - Category:     People Professions
A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"

The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."

4:  - Category:     People Professions
The National Institutes of Health have announced that they will no longer be using rats for medical experimentation. In their place, they will use attorneys. They have given three reasons for this decision:

1. There are now more attorneys than there are rats.
2. The medical researchers don't become as emotionally attached to the attorneys as they did to the rats.
3. No matter how hard you try, there are some things that even rats won't do.

5:  - Category:     People Professions
Did you hear about the terrorists who took a courthouse full of lawyers hostage?

They threatened to release one every hour unless their demands were met.

6:  - Category:     People Professions
Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest Stamps?

They had pictures of lawyers on them and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

7:  - Category:     People Professions
A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office.

Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line."

"Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"

8:  - Category:     People Professions
How do you know that the driver driving toward you is a physicist?

He has a red sticker on his bumper, saying: "If this sticker is blue, you are driving too fast."

9:  - Category:     People Professions
A life long supporter of the labour party was lying on his death bed when he suddenly decided to join the Tory party. "But why?" asked his puzzled friend, "You're labour through and through… Why change now?" The man leaned forward and explained, "Well, I'd rather it was one of them that died and not one of us."

10:  - Category:     People Professions
What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

There are some things even a blonde won't do.


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