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One day little Johnny was sitting in class and all of a sudden he had to go to the bathroom, so ha askes his teacher if he can be excused, and she lets him. When he gets there and hes getting ready to wipe, but relizes there is no more toilet paper left so he had to use his hand. When he got back to the the teacher asked, "Little Johnny, whats in your hand?" Little Johnny replies, "It's a little lepricon and if i open my hand he'll get scared and run away." This angered the teacher and she sent him to the principal's office. The principal asked "Little Johnny what's in your hand?" agin Little Johnny replied "It's a little lepricon and if i open my hand he'll get scared and run away." this also angered the principal, so the principal called Little Johnny's mother. When his mother got there she asked him,"Little Johnny what's in your hand?" once agin he replied "It's a little lepricon and if i open my hand he'll get scared and run away." this angered his mother so she took him home and she told him, "When your dad gets home your gunna have to tell him what's in your hand!" Later his father came home and asked, "Little Johnny what's in your hand?" once more he replied, "It's a little lepricon and if i open my hand he'll get scared and run away." " LITTLE JOHNNY OPEN YOUR HAND RIGHT NOW!!!" so Little Johnny slowley opened his hand and said, "Look Dad you scared the shit out of him."
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The teacher, Miss Baker, asks the children what they want to be when they grow up.
"I want to be an actress," Susie says.
"I want to be an astronaut," Cliff says
"I want to be a sex therapist," says Little Johnny.
"Would you please tell the class how you think your job is going to be like?" asked Miss Baker.
"Okay, Miss Baker. Look out of the window. Three women are walking down the street eating ice cream. One is licking, one is sucking, and one is biting. Would you please tell the class which one is married?" says Little Johnny.
"Get out of the class, Little Johnny, and come back with your parents!" exclaims Miss Baker.
Little Johnny replies, "The one that is married is the one that is wearing a wedding ring. It is people like you, Miss Baker, that I am going to treat."
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The first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on multi-syllable words. She thought it would be a good idea to ask a few of the children examples of words with more than one syllable. "Jane, Do you know any multi-syllable words?"
"After some thought Jane proudly replied with Monday."
"Great Jane. That has two syllables, Mon......day"
"Does anyone know another word." "I do! I do!" replied Johnny.
Knowing Johnny's more mature sense of humor she picks Mike instead. "OK Mike, what is your word."
"Saturday." says Mike.
"Great, that has three syllables..."
Not wanting to be out done Johnny says "I know a four syllable word. Pick me! Pick me!"
Not thinking he can do any harm with a word that large the teacher reluctantly says, "O.K. Johnny what is your foursyllable word?"
Johnny proudly says, "Mas...tur...ba...tion." Shocked, the teacher, trying to retain her composure says, "Wow, Johnny. Four syllables! That's certainly is a mouthful."
"No Ma'am, your thinking of 'blowjob', and that's only two syllables."
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One day at the end of class little Johnny's teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story to be concluded with the moral of that story.
The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story. Little Suzy raises her hand.
"My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road." When the teacher asked for the moral of the story, Suzy replied. "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket."
Little Lucy went next. "My dad owns a farm too. Every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Las weekend only 8 of the 12 eggs hatched." Again, the teacher asked for the moral of the story. Lucy replied, "Don't count your chickens before they hatch."
Next up was little Johnny. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war, and his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed but could only take a case of beer, a machine gun, and a machete. On the way down he drank the case of beer. Then he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but then he ran out of bullets! So he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. Then the blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his barehands."
The teacher looked a little shocked. After clearing her throat, she asked what possible moral there could be to this story.
"Well," Johnny replied, "Don't fuck with uncle Ted when he's been drinking."
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