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1: - Category: Kids

Daughter says to her mother:
- Mommy, they say I am abnormal!
- Who so says?
- Flies.

2: - Category: Kids

why is letting your kid stop at the jacksons house of love like playing bingo?

Because it`s a bit of a gamble but hey, you could ern a few quid

3: - Category: Kids

Once an old man and his grandson went fishing. The old man took out a box of cigs the grandson asked him if he could have some. The old man asked him:

"Can u shove your penis up your ass?"

The boy said no. The old man told him:

"Your too small you can't have cigs."

Then after sometime the grandson took out a pack of cookies. The old man asked if he could have some. The boy replied:

"Can u shove your penis up your ass?"

The old said "I can im big enough"

So the boy said "Go fuck yourself these are mine"

4: - Category: Kids

you might have a wierd family if your mother comes home with a new purse and asks your uncle if he likes it and then your uncle says it would be a great dragg purse can i have it.

5: - Category: Kids

a father walked past his litle boys room and heard the boy saying "god bless mummy, daddy, grandma bye bye grandpa!" the father thought nothing of it and was glad the boy was praying. the next day they found the boys grandfather dead. that night the father heard the boy say "god bless mummy, daddy bye bye grandma." the next day the grandma was found dead. that night the father heard the boy say "god bless mummy bye bye daddy." the father was realy worried and stayed up all night in the morning he went to the doctor "help i think i'm going to die" but the doctor went "your perfectly fine." the father went home feeling worried but when he walked through the front door his wife went "i'm so glad your here i found the milkman dead this morning."

6: - Category: Kids

What did one mountain say to the other mountain?
Let's meet in the valley

7: - Category: Kids

roses are red violets violets are blue why is my ass better looking then you!......roses are red violets are blue if i had your face i'd been in the zoo

8: - Category: Kids

Every night after dinner, Harry took off for the local watering hole. He would spend the whole evening there and always arrive home, well inebriated, around midnight each night.
He usually had trouble getting his key to fit the keyhole and couldn't get the door open. And every time this happened, his wife would go to the door and let him in. Then she would proceed to yell and scream at him, for his constant nights out and coming home in a drunken state. But Harry just continued his nightly routine.

One day, the wife was talking to a friend about her husband's behavior and was particularly distraught by it all.

The friend listened and said, "Why don't you treat him a little differently when he comes home? Instead of berating him, why don't you give him some loving words and welcome him home with a kiss? Then he might change his ways."

The wife thought that this might be a good idea.

That night, Harry took off again after dinner. And at about midnight, he arrived home in his usual condition.

His wife heard him at the door. She quickly opened it and let Harry in.

Instead of berating him as she had always done, this time she took his arm and led him into the living room. She sat Harry down in an easy chair, put his feet up on the ottoman and took his shoes off. Then she went behind him and started to cuddle him a little. After a little while, she said to Harry, "It's pretty late, dear. I think we had better go upstairs to bed now, don't you think?"

At that, He replied in his inebriated state, "I guess we might as well. I'll get in trouble when I get home anyway!"

9: - Category: Kids

TEACHER: OK boys and girls lets talk about brilliant things, if you know whats brilliant, raise your hand and i'll point to one of you and you'll tell me whats brilliant. So raise your hand please class. Peter?

PETER: Monster twucks

TEACHER: Monster trucks are brilliant to some people, good. ummmm Rosie?

ROSIE: Fwowers

TEACHER: Good Rosie, excellent, now Michael?

MICHAEL: A pwegnent 15 year old girl

TEACHER: Well a pregnant girl is brilliant in any age but why do you say a 15 year old?

MICHAEL: My older sister is 15 years old and when she told my dad that she's pwegnent he said "Well thats fucking brilliant"

10: - Category: Kids

you might have a wierd family if your mother comes home with a new purse and asks your uncle if he likes it and then your uncle says it would be a great dragg purse can i have it.

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