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11:  - Category:     Deep Thoughts
Why is the alphabet in that order?

12:  - Category:     Deep Thoughts
Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.

13:  - Category:     Deep Thoughts
One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.

14:  - Category:     Deep Thoughts
Why do people in ship mutinies always ask for "better treatment"? I'd ask for a pinball machine, because with all that rocking back and forth you'd probably be able to get a lot of free games.

15:  - Category:     Deep Thoughts
If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like "Hey, look. He's carrying a soldering iron!" and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, "That's right, it's a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice." Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they had made fun of the soldering iron of justice, and I could probably hit them up for a free drink.

16:  - Category:     Deep Thoughts
Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're an astronaught on the moon and you fear that your partner has been turned into Dracula. The next time he goes out for the moon pieces, wham!, you just slam the door behind him and blast off. He might call you on the radio and say he's not Dracula, but you just say, "Think again, bat man."

17:  - Category:     Deep Thoughts
I wish I had a Kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula
AND Superman away.

18:  - Category:     Deep Thoughts
Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.

19:  - Category:     Deep Thoughts
I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.

20:  - Category:     Deep Thoughts
I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What was THAT?!"


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